In this interview with a crossdresser, Yvonne tells us about her journey to love and acceptance as a crossdresser. We all know that a basic human need is to have a partner who is understanding so you feel accepted.
This special interview brings Ms Olivia to tears; Ms Delia and Yvonne dish on New England sports and all three ladies talk feminization, fashion, and what it means to be feminine. You’ll also hear their theory about why bridemaids’ dresses are ugly; hint: it’s a conspiracy.
Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation, BDSM advice, insight from he worlds of Distance Domination and phone sex. We are your hosts: Mistress Delia and Ms Olivia.
Yvonne: Oh, it’s so good. So good to be here. I’m very honored.
Ms Delia: Hi Yvonne. I am so, so, so excited that you are here with us today. This is something I have been looking forward to all week. Oh, this is so cool.
Yvonne: It is. It really is. It’s my 15 minutes of fame.
Ms Olivia: Oh honey, now that you’re on the podcast, fame lasts even longer than that and anything you put on the internet lasts forever. I was going to say for fucking ever, but Yvonne pointed something out. She’s a regular listener to The Weekly Hot Spot podcast on Spreaker and she told me earlier, “Oh the two of you. You sound like sailors with all your swearing.”
Ms Delia: We might. It’s okay though. Fuck yeah. ~laughs~
Ms Olivia: ~laughs~ We’re going to talk about all sorts of things today, including love and acceptance as a crossdresser.
But first, I want to start with what you’re wearing today. Yvonne we are going to look at you on Skype, so send your call.
Now I see I’m adding Ms Delia this. Oh look at you!
Ms Delia: That’s fucking beautiful.
Ms Olivia: Gorgeous. You know I am a huge fan of you in a very traditional bridal outfit.
Now Yvonne has a ton of absolutely gorgeous mermaid wedding gowns. Well yes, you can see them in the back (of the room) and that’s only part of her gowns.
I want that traditional silhouette. I want the tulle; I want the bling; I want the whole thing.
So tell us what you chose and why as you put that veil right over your face.
Yvonne’s wedding gown for the interview
Yvonne: Well, you said to me, that you want me to feel pretty and comfortable and this is by far my favorite wedding dress.
Ms Olivia: What makes it your favorite?
Yvonne: It is super comfortable and it fits perfectly, which is another thing, they don’t all fit the same.
Ms Olivia: That’s absolutely true. Yeah. We’re going to talk about fashion fails and how to find your style because, I’ve said this to you before, your style is absolutely amazing. You have a great sense of what looks fabulous on you, which is something any female, a cis woman or a cross dresser has to go through finding out what is your personal style,
Yvonne: Yes! You have to find out what looks best on you. And when it comes to wedding dresses, that’s really difficult. That is totally difficult.
Ms Olivia: We’re going to talk about some of your fashion fails and you’ve heard about some of mine, but first let’s talk about your cross-dresser journey.
I want to start with labels, guilt and acceptance as a crossdresser. You said that getting rid of guilt was a big thing for you. What about all the labels and your own acceptance as a crossdresser?
I’m sitting there thinking there are so many labels. The differences between crossdresser, sissy, transgender, transsexual, transvestite, Drag Queen, and all of those gender identity labels. Did the various labels help you or did they hurt your own experience of your own acceptance as a crossdresser?
Yvonne: You know, when you start using labels on people, I think they hurt more than they help in the long run. When I’m dressed like this, I’m a woman. To put another label on it is almost, it’s almost like dissing women, it’s not a good thing. I think. I, I’ve never liked the labels.
Ms Olivia: Some people don’t discover their feminine side and start to crossdress for years and then really struggle with feeling of acceptance as a crossdresser. I mean, I’ve talked to people that have just started dressing in their forties, 50s, 60s, and loving women’s clothing is something that they’ve discovered about themselves in later life. When did you find out that you liked dressing en femme or have you always known it?
Yvonne: I’ve pretty much always known it. I remember having feelings for dressing when I was younger and when I became a teenager that kind of went away and went into the background for a while. Then it came back pretty strong in my twenties. I really started exploring it on my thirties.
Ms Olivia: Do you consider yourself transgender?
Yvonne: Yeah, I guess so. If you’re going to put a label on the whole thing, but that’s kind of an umbrella term. When you use the term transgender, it includes so much, that’s a huge term I guess. Like I say, one of the male and female parts of me are on the same team.
Ms Delia: Oh, I love that. I love that. I’ve never thought of it that way, but that’s just, that’s brilliant. Oh my God, that’s perfect.
Yvonne: You know, it’s funny you bring this up. You were talking about about age and here’s something that I have seen happen more than once.
A lot of transsexuals wait till they retire to transition.
I have a good friend who was a firefighter in Seattle. When she retired, she transitioned. I mean, you know, she had all the perks of being a man in that man’s world. And then when she retired, she went to Thailand and transitioned. She did the whole thing, you know?
Ms Delia: Oh, she had the full transition, including like the body parts and hormones and all of that kind of stuff?
Yvonne: The whole deal.
Ms Olivia: That’s part of the difference between a crossdresser, trans or a sissy because a sissy is often into humiliation and the teasing and things like that. A sissy will identify as male and say, “No, I’m a man who is kind of being laughed at for being a woman.” I think that’s different from self acceptance as a crossdresser.
Yvonne: Yeah. That’s a whole fetish thing, I think.
Erotic pleasure and acceptance as a crossdresser
I don’t think of this, with you, as sexual per se. What girl doesn’t feel really, really good when putting on beautiful clothes? I mean, Delia and I put on beautiful clothes and we’re like, “Oh my God, this makes me feel so good.”
Ms Delia: It does. It’s part of the experience of being a girl.
Ms Olivia: It’s not really putting on these panties because the panties make me aroused. It’s just what we do. If that part of your acceptance as a crossdresser?
Yvonne: I think that for me is the difference between the fetish and the experience of being crossdresser.
Like I told you the other day, when I first started doing makeup, doing a whole look, I mean dressing head to toe I’d have ruined orgasms. This was while I’m doing my makeup.
Ms Delia: Oh wow. Fantastic, fantastic.
Yvonne: That’s why pantyliners were always part of the deal!
Ms Olivia: ~laughs~ Let’s also point out you were in your 20s at that time, so your libido is going wheeeeeeee.
Yvonne: Oh yeah. Morning wood is a thing of the past. That’s something that’s changed. My sixties have been an enlightening part of my life. ~laughs and laughs~
Did you ever have doubts about being a crossdresser?
Ms Olivia: How did you get to acceptance as a crossdresser? A lot of people talk about this as a kind of a journey.
Many people have similar questions about crossdressing: Is this wrong? Should I stop? What’s wrong with me? Why do I like this? Did you go through any of those?
Yvonne: Oh, absolutely. Up until a couple of years ago I did. I was questioning it all the time. And then recently, that’s when that hit me that, “Hey, we’re all in the same boat here, so just enjoy it.”
Ms Delia: I hear every single one of those questions and more when I am talking to crossdressers. It seems like there is such a taboo about accepting who you are. I think that that is one of the things that makes me really want to do podcasts like this and have The Weekly Hot Spot. We can educate people and let everyone who crossdresses or into feminization that this is fucking perfect. There’s nothing wrong with it.
How has the internet changed your self acceptance as a crossdresser?
Ms Olivia: No, there isn’t. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all.
I think the internet has changed things a lot because you can get on the internet and look around and go, “Oh, I’m not alone.”
Yvonne, has the internet changed your self-acceptance about being a crossdresser?
Yvonne: Absolutely. Absolutely. When I found out that there were other people like me, I remember going, Wow! Initially I didn’t have a computer. I had web TV.
Ms Delia: Oh, I remember that. I remember that from back, what about 10 years ago maybe?
Yvonne: 20. ~laughter~
Ms Delia: 20. Wow, okay! ~laughs~
Yvonne: In 1998, I had web TV and I remember that you’d put it up and it was like Batman coming out of the cave. We talked about getting on the internet highway. That’s what they called it back then. And I found all these resources for cross-dressers and I found a couple of really great chat rooms and I got to meet a lot of nice people. I’ve had them visit me and I visited them.
Ms Olivia: Oh, that’s wonderful. Did you ever want to live full time as a woman?
Yvonne: I thought about it, but no. Eventually I came to the conclusion that …. no.
Ms Olivia: Walk us through that.
Yvonne: To be honest, when I first got on the internet, I didn’t know what the hell I was, you know?
These people were taking hormones that they bought off the internet. I went, my God, what are you doing to yourself? And I said, nah, that’s not, this isn’t for me. I said, just enjoy the dressing. Take your time, feel, you know, feel like feeling pretty, like feeling pretty. So you take your time and you know, I’ll sit and watch old movies dressed like this.
Ms Olivia: You play your guitar dressed en femme.
Yvonne: That’s right.
Ms Olivia: Now that you’re retired, do you dress more and just kind of bop around?
Yvonne: Isn’t it funny that I thought I would, I really thought I would, but I dress less now than I did when I was working.
Ms Olivia: Really? Why?
Yvonne: It’s funny. I don’t know. You know, you have this great option when you’re not working in that, you can wake up in the morning and you can look at the day and you can go, nah, fuck it, I’m not going to do anything today. I’m, and I am the world’s worst procrastinator.
Ms Delia: Oh, that’s funny.
Yvonne: I am horrible. You don’t want me cleaning your house. Trust me.
Acceptance and purging — cycle for crossdressers
Ms Olivia: Do you think a lot of crossdressers go through cycles? I think part of that is acceptance as a crossdresser. So sometimes the cycle goes to the extreme and there’s purging, but other times it just kind of calms down. Do you think you’re kind of in a low point in your femme dressing cycle?
Yvonne: That’s probably it. In a month or two down the road, it’ll probably come back very strong and I will want to dress all the time.
I’ve been retired for six months. I haven’t had real strong or just address, I’m never going to purge. I’ve never purged in my life. The only thing I’ve done is bring stuff to Goodwill so new stuff can come in.
Ms Olivia: Even right now, sweetie, your closet and racks are really pretty full.
Yvonne: I’ve only bought one dress since I since I retired just so you know. ~laughs
Ms Delia: I think it’s only been six months since you retired. Maybe it’s just a natural adjustment period that you were going through and once you settle in to retirement and everything like that.
Yvonne: I think you’re right.
Ms Delia: It will come back in full force and you will be that beautiful woman that I see right now on Skype. I love it.
Yvonne: Thank you so much.
Ms Delia: You’re welcome.
Ms Olivia: Yvonne is also a baseball fan so I just love our baseball experiences, especially commiserating when our teams are not doing well. Yvonne, tell everybody what you will wear during the games since you’re a little bit superstitious like I am.
Yvonne: Oh yeah. Well, I’m a Red Sox fan, so I have four red dresses and I have a couple of red nightgowns. When they weren’t doing so well, I wore the red dresses and night gowns. Ms Olivia was after me to wear the royal blue for the Mets.
Ms Olivia: I tried wearing blue for the Mets but it didn’t work and I got sad! ~laughs~
Ms Delia: I have to tell you, Yvonne, I am also a Red Sox fan. I was in New England for quite a while and my love for my teams runs deep. I will admit I’m more a football girl now, but I always check out what the Red Sox are doing.
Yvonne: You should have seen the Patriots when they stunk.
Ms Delia: I did. I have loved them since, you know, since before the Brady Belichick era. I really have. So it’s been an amazing run and I hope it runs for a few more years. I’ll be honest, I love all the New England teams: the Bruins, Celtics, Patriots, I’m born and bred that way.
Ms Olivia: I’ve got to ask, cause I know a bunch of people are going to be curious and you can feel free to say no if this is invasive. Have you ever been attracted to men when you’re en femme?
Yvonne: No. I’m not attracted to men. Nasty, smelly things. You should see my fashion sense as a man. It’s horrible. No, I mean it’s horrible.
Ms Delia: Oh that is so funny because looking at you, the dress, the veil, the hair, the jewelry, your skin is just glowing and beautiful. I love it.
Yvonne: Not bad for an old girl.
Ms Delia: Not bad at all.
Ms Olivia: The first time I saw you on Skype, I was like, Holy shit. When you told me how old you are I said, wow your skin looks amazing. Let’s talk a little bit about some unique skin care tips because male skin is different from female skin.
Married crossdressers and being in a relationship
Yvonne: I used to have a friend from Canada that used to chat in a chat room that I chatted in. She was a cis woman who was the wife of a cross dresser. She used to do her husband’s makeup. And her first line to me was cover girl doesn’t cover guy.
Ms Delia: Wow. What a great line.
Ms Olivia: I love that! Was that the woman that wrote the book on Amazon. My husband Betty. There’s actually a book from a cis woman married to crossdresser and they have this amazing marriage.
Yvonne: I don’t think so.
Ms Olivia: Cover girl doesn’t cover guy. That’s a great line though.
Yvonne: Well I’m extremely fortunate. I don’t get five o’clock shadow and I never have It would take me four days to get five o’clock shadow. That’s how slow my beard grows. I don’t know why. My brother and my father have huge heavy beards, but mine never did.
Unique skin care for male skin
Ms Olivia: You live where the sun is intense and yet you don’t have wrinkles. Your skin is smooth, your skin is absolutely amazing.
Yvonne: Well that comes from working the midnight shift.
Ms Olivia: ~laughs~ Ah, that is part of it but don’t sell yourself short. You have a skincare regimen. What do you do?
Yvonne: Funny as it may sound, I use Oil of Olay. A lot of women won’t use it. My mother couldn’t use it because it made her break out.
When I first started doing makeup had really big acne scars on both my cheekbones. They were really deep and you had to put a lot of concealer in there to, you know, they had to spackle it in there so it would smooth out the face. So the person who pointed this out to me said, you need to start a skincare regimen. She said, “Just go get some night cream. Any night cream. Doesn’t matter what.” So I’ve got some Oil of Olay night cream. I started using that. Six months later the scars were gone.
Ms Delia: Wow, that’s fantastic.
Yvonne: It was just Oil of Olay night cream; it only costs like seven, eight bucks.
Ms Olivia: Now you have simple routines. But you and I both know the truth. I always say this great line from Steel Magnolias, the Dolly Parton character says,” There’s no such thing as natural beauty; it takes a great deal of time and effort.”
It does take work to look pretty as a crossdresser OR a cis woman. I should point out to our listeners that you are looking, bemused and laughing.
Yvonne: Well I’m the fastest brush in the South. ~laughs
Ms Delia: Ooh, I want to know about that.
Yvonne: I can put makeup on really quick.
Ms Olivia: You’ve also had a lot of experience. You mentioned that makeup is very individual. Ms Delia has a great post about a makeup kit that’s essential for a sissy or a cross dresser. So those are some of the basic things. But when I asked if you wanted to talk about makeup on the podcast, you had a fabulous comment. Do you remember what you said? You said that you think make up is very individual. How did you develop your own makeup style?
Yvonne: Again, this was trial and error. The first time I bought a bunch of makeup, I went to Walgreens and I bought like 50 bucks worth of crap. And I saw how many of those colors don’t work on me. I finally figured out I’m autumn tone. So I learned, stick with the neutrals and you’ll be fine.
Ms Olivia: But you did kind of have to go through that trial and error.
Yvonne: Sure! You have to use the blue eyeshadow and realize hat looks horrible.
Ms Olivia: Oh God. You went through a blue eyeshadow phase? You look so classy. What is it about blue eyeshadow?
When I was a photographer, I was contracted by some crossdressers who came and they wanted photographs.
At that time, I didn’t know anything about cross-dressers per se.
I thought crossdressers were Drag Queens and that couldn’t be farther than the truth. I thought cross-dressers had to be gay. Most cross-dressers are not gay.
So they come in and I was totally cool with the dressing, but I looked at them and said, “Um, is the blue eye eyeshadows something that you’re intending or do you want me to do your makeup for you?”
I did their makeup and it was a revelation for me because I got aroused.
Ms Olivia: It was completely inappropriate. I was a professional photographer. I knew that they were married. Yet I’m doing their makeup and getting aroused. There was a sexual energy just swirling around and I’m like, “Oh, this is wrong. I need to cool my jets.” My love of cross-dressers comes naturally.
Yvonne: Whoa. Yeah. Putting on makeup is an arousing experience.
Finding your feminine style
Ms Olivia: So the blue eye shadow, not withstanding, how did you find out your feminine style? Not just with your makeup, but your hair and the wedding gowns? The jewelry?
Yvonne: Again, here we go. I have fashion disasters in all categories. I’ve had some wigs that were just absolutely hideous, you know? And I still do. They just sit on the shelf. They don’t come out every now and then I’ll say, well, let’s try it but it doesn’t look any better than it did then.
Ms Olivia: Delia, we both have had fashion disasters, I’ve told you Yvonne this but I’m not sure if you know. This was before I met you. I actually dyed my hair black because I figured: pale skin, blue eyes, I think I’m going to look just a little bit goth and super sexy and kind of naughty and Oh my God, I looked awful!
Ms Delia: I have had fashion disasters and bad hair days. I have tripped on my high heels.
Ms Delia: I think my worst though was a bridesmaid’s dress. It was this awful pale blue color and there were so many pictures of that. I have a couple and I might show you one day. I might show it off one day if I ever do something about fashion faux pas or fashion disasters. But yeah, we all have those stories of what didn’t go right.
Yvonne: Isn’t it amazing that the bride will always pick out the most hideous bridesmaid dress?
Ms Delia: Yes. I really think it is a thing that she does to make her look even better.
Yvonne: Yes! I watch Say Yes to the Dress all the time.
Ms Delia: Oh I love that show
Yvonne: They had one for bridesmaids for a time.
Ms Delia: Oh, I never saw that.
Yvonne: I think the only think they did one season of it and you know, the bride would come in with six bridesmaids and they never could agree.
Ms Delia: I can imagine. I can imagine that right now.
Ms Olivia: Let me tell you, Ms Delia, you are going to be definitely a bridesmaid at our wedding and when we look at bridesmaid’s dresses, we’re not picking those ugly fucking dresses. Our bridesmaids are going to be gorgeous.
Ms Delia: Thank you very much. My favorite type of wedding is where the bride gives a color, like go get purple or go get Navy blue or go get black. And each bridesmaid picks out a dress that fits her body, fits her shape, fits her style, right?
Ms Olivia: We thought about that. Yvonne, remember the bridesmaid dresser that we were looking at in lavender? Some of the dresses were strapless. For example, you look amazing in strapless gowns. Some girls don’t look amazing strapless gowns. Right? So for those girls, they could have spaghetti straps or short sleeves or three quarter length sleeves, but they were all the same color scheme.
Ms Delia: I love that idea.
Yvonne: Oh yeah.
Ms Delia: You see pictures on the internet of girls having different style dresses, but they’re the same color. I think that’s a wonderful idea. It really is.
Yvonne: And I think it’s showing respect to your bridesmaids too, so they don’t have to wear something that looks horrible.
Ms Olivia: Well, I don’t care. I mean, let’s face it, the wedding is all about the bride.
I am less sure what I want to wear, but I am completely positive what I want Yvonne, to wear. I want that fairytale, traditional, bell shaped wedding dress with tulle and petticoats. I’m really clear about that. All of your mermaid dresses can be for the vow renewal ceremonies. But I want you as a very traditional bride.
Awww, I made you blush.
Ms Delia: I was seeing that online, that sweet smile. Oh look at that big smile and those cheeks had a tint to them. A nice blush. I love it.
Ms Olivia: Can I just say she’s got the prettiest little dimples?
Ms Delia: I see them. They are gorgeous.
Support and acceptance as your feminine self
Yvonne: Well you’ve helped me realize that.
Ms Olivia: Really? How so?
Yvonne: Oh yeah. You know our sessions. I mean we’ve been talking for almost 10 years now.
You’re like a therapist couch. We all go through ups and downs. You helped me reaffirm myself a lot.
Ms Olivia: I remember when you and I were talking about third gender and I think this was a time when you were really struggling with: Who is Yvonne and why does she come bursting out?
Yvonne: She spends a lot of money. ~laughs~
Ms Olivia: Yes, she does spend a lot of money! ~laughs ~ Talk about that as far as your own acceptance as a crossdresser and coming to terms and saying, “You know what, I’m okay being both male and female.”
Yvonne: Yeah, both sides of my personality. I think we all have both male and female personalities. I know a lot of tomboys. They like to have their nails done too.
Ms Olivia: How important is it to have a community that loves and supports and accepts you as a crossdresser?
Yvonne: Well, when you really find one, let me know because I’ve told you about my experiences going out with other cross-dressers and my God. I got to the point where I said, I don’t want to hang out with these people. They were sitting around talking about their time in the military. It was like they were in foxholes for God’s sakes.
Ms Delia: Wow.
Yvonne: That was a big thing and they only spent like three years out of their life in the military.
Ms Delia: Wow.
Crossdressing male to female MTF
Ms Olivia: I think sometimes it’s harder for some people than for other people to get to that acceptance as a crossdresser – to look and really embrace, all of your sides and say, I don’t have to be binary. I don’t have to be one or the other. Didn’t you spend a lot of time being your femme self or your male self? I know you didn’t think that you could have both?
Yvonne: Yeah, I did. That was back when I was taking care of my mother. I spent a lot of time as Yvonne then and I didn’t think I could be both. Eventually, I said bills have to be paid so I have to get a job and I can’t do that as a woman.
Ms Delia: Right.
Yvonne: You know, I would never have had the confidence to do it; to go to interview as a woman.
Ms Olivia: Would you have done that if you could have?
Yvonne: Probably not.
Ms Olivia: Why not?
Yvonne: I’m both, you know. And we have specific roles. Tim makes the money. Yvonne spends, Jim cleans the house. Yvonne looks pretty. it was a very calming thing when that finally occurred to me. It really calmed me down.
Ms Olivia ~sniffles~ Aww, you’re making me cry.
Ms Delia: Wow.
Ms Olivia: I love you so much Yvonne. We talked about it and you sent me this email saying, “Wow, I finally get what you’ve been saying.” And I had been saying it to you, in all kinds of ways, for years. And then you finally sent that email and what did, what did you say? Something like this, “I’ve had an epiphany and I can be both.”
Yvonne: We’re all on the same team here. We’re all striving for our own singular happiness. So you know, this is what makes me happy
Ms Olivia: And that’s it right there. This is what makes you happy. And Yvonne I am just so happy to know you and to see you here, happy and sharing with everyone. It just really makes my heart so happy. Thank you. Thank you.
Ms Delia: We just really appreciate you being willing to come on, share with our listeners and share with us.
Ms Olivia: We’re recording this early in the morning. So you find caught up really early and got dressed with hair, makeup jewelry and everything. You look beautiful, sweetie. You always look beautiful. I adore you my sweet. Thank you so much for joining us. Your self acceptance as a crossdresser is my joy and inspiration.
Yvonne: It’s been a great time. I love talking to both of you. We’ll have to do two call Mistress call again someday.
Ms Delia: Oh my gosh that would be very fun.
Yvonne: Yes it would.
Ms Olivia gets tongue tied
Ms Olivia: I would love that. So thank you to all of you for joining us and listening to the weekly podcast. I’m tongue tied. ~laugher~ I can’t help it.
This is a very special episode for me, so thank you to both of you and thank all of you for listening and we will see you next time on that weekly podcast. Nope, still tongue tied.
~laughs~ What’s the name of our show?
Ms Delia: ~laughs~ The Weekly Hot Spot.
Ms Olivia: Okay, well why don’t you say goodbye Delia, cause I’m obviously a mess here.
Ms Delia: Thank you to all of you for joining us and we’ll see you next time on The Weekly Hot Spot!