What are the most popular sexual kinks? Where do you rate against the various lists of hot sex topics? Ms Delia and Ms Olivia talk about kinky sex (of course), what makes a fetish fun and share their favorite types of porn.
Fetish versus kink
Ms Olivia: Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation. BDSM advice, insight from the worlds of Distance Domination and phone sex. We are your hosts, Ms Delia and Ms Olivia. Today’s topic, the most popular sexual kinks.
Ooh. So ms Delia are popular sexual kinks, also a fetish.
Ms Delia: That is a great question and I have some thoughts for us because I did a little research. The words fetish and kink often are used almost interchangeably to mean anything, any sexual desire, any sexual activity that falls out of say mainstream missionary, heterosexual sex.
Ms Olivia: I tend to use them interchangeably, don’t you?
Ms Delia: I have. I have sometimes, but I think I will change after this.
Ms Olivia: Ah ha! I love it. Cause a lot of times on these podcasts you’ll say something and I’m like, “Oh, I didn’t know that.” So these are educational for our listeners, but also for us. So continue on.
Ms Delia: A kink is something that arouses a person, but it’s not considered the sexual norm. Something maybe like spanking. You don’t want it in every single sexual session, but when you do it, it’s really kind of hot. So something kinky, not all the time, very, very, when it does happen.
But a fetish is a sexual act or something, an object, a thought, a song, a smell, something that is almost always necessary for the person to become aroused and enjoy sex.
And these fetishes may not even be inherently sexual. Like if you think about it, the smell of leather shoes, even something like rubbing food on yourself or getting food on yourself, those things are not inherently sexual. But if they are the things that get you around so that you can have sex, you have a fetish.
Ms Olivia: So are you saying that the set, the fetish is something that has to be there every single time pretty much in order to have like really great sex?
Ms Olivia: And so if somebody has, if a guy is a foot fetish or say a leg fetish or a stocking fetish and his partner, I actually talked to someone on the phone who said, my wife knows that I love stockings and she just told me one day, screw it. I’m not wearing them anymore. Tough. So does that mean that any sex that he has with his wife is less than satisfying?
Ms Delia: Oh, I would think so. And he probably thinks a lot about hosiery. Looks at it, checks out other women and gets aroused throughout his day because seeing that item then on someone else would really stir those feelings up. That’s too bad.
Ms Olivia: I know. Right? And I listen, I get it. Don’t let someone make you feel shame about your fetish.
So as we talk about popular sexual kinks, we’re also going to talk about sexual fetishes, right?
Ms Delia: Yes, we will.
Ms Olivia: But the kinks are the ones that if you do it, it’s awesome, but you don’t have to do it. Exactly.
Ms Delia: Exactly. So popular sexual kinks, a lot of people like these things to add spice to their sex life.
Ms Olivia: Oh yeah!
Are popular sexual kinks going mainstream or is this still taboo sex?
Ms Olivia: Do you think that popular sexual kinks are going mainstream or did pop culture make the kinks popular? It’s kind of a chicken and the egg kind of question, right?
Ms Delia: I think it really is.
I think we’ve had like 50 Shades of Gray.
Ms Olivia: Uggggg.
Ms Delia: I think that that has brought out the discussion about kink, about naughtiness, about kinkiness.
Ms Olivia: It’s brought it out and it’s always been there. Like if you go back to the 60s and the latex catsuits in Batman, kink has always been there.
Ms Olivia: Something like BDSM, Femdom, spankings, and women Dominating men, that’s even in Victorian porn. You see all of these old timey Victorian photographs that have women spanking men. It shows this is not a new invention, people have always been kinky.
Ms Delia: Oh yes, they have. And you see those, there’s examples over and over. So I think it really is quite the chicken and egg question are popular sexual kinks mainstream. Hmm. Or was it that pop culture made those fetishes popular? It really is intriguing.
Ms Olivia: You see it all over the place. I think you’re right. 50 Shades of Gray kind of propelled it even though that’s a crappy movie in a crappy book.
Ms Delia: Oh absolutely.
Ms Olivia: It doesn’t represent kink culture or BDSM well at all.
But kink culture is going mainstream. For example, King Princess, who is this fabulous singer, I love her. King Princess was live on SNL with this fabulous song about bottoming called Hit It Back and she’s, it was whoa, just amazing. There is was on SNL, Saturday Night Live.
Ms Delia: Wow. There are so many ways that kink can be snuck into popular culture, any of those types of things, whether it’s a song, a movie, a book, something that gets people talking. It is always exciting when kink is the buzz, when kink is talked about.
Popular sexual kinks in a mainstream women’s magazine
Ms Olivia: I love it when I come across an article or a magazine that I don’t think of as particularly kinky, right For example, Cosmopolitan magazine. It’s this women’s magazine. It is fashion, it’s makeup, it’s all of this kind of stuff. They actually published a beginner’s guide to all things kinky. I came across that and I’m like, “Whoa, look at this!
Ms Delia: I saw that too. Isn’t that funny? And I was kind of surprised. When I saw it, I thought they’d have something sort of 50 Shades of Gray. I thought it would be a little naughty – spanking and a couple of things that are just sort of vanilla plus. But they even had things like CBT in there. And I was like, wow, that’s kind of intense. Go Cosmopolitan.
Ms Olivia: I agree with you. You have someone like Gwyneth Paltrow, on her Goop site, selling the bondage kit for $1,300 and it’s just a paddle in a couple of restraints. I kind of look at the difference between sex toys and overpriced junk versus what we, who play in the kink and fetish world, use. I look at something like that and then the Cosmopolitan article and I think, wow, whoever wrote that actually plays; they’re a fetish player.
Ms Delia: Oh, I thought so too. Right away seeing that list of 19 kinks. It was incredible. And I thought that they were the list. Every topic was very well explained and I absolutely thought the same thing. This person who wrote it plays in the kink world.
Ms Olivia: Do you know that research suggests that uh, give or take approximately half of the adult population are interested in sexual activities outside of the norm.
So no matter what, uh, some people say missionary is not as popular is we are led to believe or people who want sometime something outside of the sexual norm are not as unusual perhaps as we would be led to believe. Right,
Ms Delia: Exactly.
Missionary sex is wonderful, but there are so many other kinds of sex. There are so many sexual fetishes. It just makes so much sense to mix it up.
And I think you and I both have talked to so many men and the variety of questions, thoughts, concerns that they had about BDSM, popular sexual kinks that they would share, or even just talking about their sexual fantasies with us.
I think that shows that these men want something outside the norm. I think it would even be more than half of us want something sexual outside of the norm.
Ms Olivia: Absolutely! And research shows it’s women as well. It’s not just men.
Women are bored with missionary only. I mean you and I both like it and do it. Vanilla is a great flavor. We like vanilla. It’s fun sometimes, but we want, like you said at the very beginning, we want that spice to spice it up every now and then.
Ms Delia: Exactly. Variety is the spice of life.
Ms Olivia: Yes! Let’s talk about the top five popular sexual kinks. Everybody has a different list but I think the one according to Vice is pretty good.
The Vice list of the top five most popular sexual kinks
Ms Olivia: They have number one as group sex. That could be a man and two women or a woman and two men. It could be two couples, three couples, or gang bang group sex. Group sex is hot.
Ms Delia: Oh yes it is. Group sex is really, really hot to think about.
I wonder if it counts if you’re doing sexual things in a group but maybe you don’t always have to be participating. You could be watching. Do you think that counts?
Ms Olivia: Ooh, now they’ve got that listed under taboo sex voyeurism.
Based on our experience, don’t you think that a cuckold fantasy might or might not qualify as group sex? Let’s say, the cuckold is watching at first and then his hot wife brings him in and says, “Okay, clean me up” or “Lick the cum out of my pussy juice off the bull.”
I think when you’re talking about sexual arousal, popular sexual kinks, or fetishes, there’s always a blending of the categories or the labels.
Ms Delia: I would agree with that. It’s very, very interesting.
Number 2 on the Vice list of popular sexual kinks
Ms Delia: Even with what Vice says is number two, BDSM. That is so varied.
There is so much with BDSM that can be talked about including what a submissive should look for in a Mistress. I’m sure there are a lot of sub categories with these popular sexual kinks labels.
Ms Olivia: Have you experienced this on the phone? A guy calls up and he says, “I want you to Dominate me Mistress.” And gosh, that could be anything from extreme mean Mistress, Femdom, or it could just be like a sexually adventurous woman, which I don’t think of as power exchange.
So you’re right, this is one of the reasons why BDSM negotiation is so important. We did a podcast on BDSM negotiation and how to communicate with your Mistress.
That I think goes into some of the categories and stuff and makes it more clear.
Ms Delia: Yes. Yes. I like also the third most popular sexual kink that Vice lists novelty and adventure.
The sexy tangent and idea for a future Hot Spot
Ms Delia: I mean, even just the reading of that sounds fun, novelty and adventure.
Ms Delia: I mean, even just the reading of that, that sounds fun! Novelty and adventure immediately brings to mind for me sex toys and sex machines.
Ms Olivia: MMmmmmm mmmmmm. Yes. Oh, remote sex toys.
Ms Delia: Oh yes. Oh wow.
Ms Olivia: If you want to combine novelty, adventure, BDSM, and Mistress cock control, get a remote sex toy and give your Mistress access to it. Do you know what? We’ve got to do a whole podcast on sex toys and remote sex toys.
New remote sex toy: Remote chastity
Ms Delia: Oh, absolutely. I just saw something that was just created a couple of months ago that got my panties very fucking wet. It was a remote controlled Distance Domination chastity device. By the way, I haven’t gotten it. Yet. I will share the link with you and our listeners.
We’ll just have to come back to our incredible sexy, smart podcast to get the information when we do that episode on remote sex toys because this was fabulous. You will go crazy. I think I’m going to buy one.
Ms Olivia: Let’s both buy one. Oh, we can take it off of our taxes!
Ms Delia: We can.
Ms Olivia: As we’re going into the New Year, let’s get those toys that we take off of our taxes right at the end of the year as expenses. It’s a business expense considering that we do phone sex, and Distance Domination.
One of our most popular podcasts was the Femdom Guide to Male Chastity. I think we’re going to have to do another chastity podcast and talk about this remote chastity device.
I love the idea of the remote chastity device. I mean that’s just, that’s brilliant. I learn a lot from you.
Ms Delia: Why thank you.
Ms Olivia: So number five, on the list of popular sexual kinks according to Vice: taboo sex. They define that as voyeurism, exhibitionism, and fetish objects. Do you really think of fetish objects as taboo? I kind of don’t.
Ms Delia: I really don’t. The list to me seemed that nice flavor of vanilla. Very basic to me.
Ms Olivia: I think they didn’t go into a lot of detail; they did in the article, but I think for the groupings it was more broad. Otherwise, instead of the top five popular sexual kinks, it’s going to be 200 hot things to do in the bedroom. Nobody’s going to read that article. It’s too much.
Ms Delia: I think you are so right. They even listed, partner sharing and non monogamy. To me, I almost think that that would be more taboo to some people than say a fetish object like a shoe.
Ms Olivia: Oh, right. Partner sharing and non-monogamy, wouldn’t that be up in group sex?
Ms Delia: I think so too. So this top five list of popular sexual kinks seems to have, as we said a little bit earlier, a lot of blending, a lot of overlap.
Ms Olivia: Ooh, we’re fans of overlapping, especially during spankings!
Ms Delia: Oh yes. Mmmmm, spanking the same damn spot. Spanking is always fun to overlap.
Kinky sex is hot and good for you
Ms Olivia: So are these popular sexual kinks harmful? Most experts agree that as long as you aren’t placing yourself or anyone else in danger or breaking the law or whatever, it’s harmless. It’s just hot. You achieve release and an even better kind of sexual release. After that you can go back to your vanilla world and have fun and enjoy it.
Have you ever seen of a fetish that you might not think is healthy? I don’t see that very much. Do you?
Ms Delia: I don’t see that very much, but I think there are some fetishes that get into deep, deep psychological domination where there’s a lot of humiliation and very deep sub space that can potentially be harmful if the proper care is not taken to ensure that the submissive comes out of that space very well.
Ms Delia: And similarly that’s true with physical fetishes that are more intense and much more hardcore, I took this fabulous class on intense impact play at a fetish event that I went to back about five years ago. It really got into some things that didn’t make me squeamish, but were a little uncomfortable to watch.
They got into actual punching and kicking of the submissive. And to me that was really over my limit that, that I wanted to see. But to those people that was a very popular sexual kink for them. It was really intense for them. It was very sexual for them.
So I think that if again, out there, you know, without the proper care this could go awry, it could become harmful. But I really still think that if it’s safe, sane and consensual, and if your kink is well negotiated between the submissive and the dominant, that it is absolutely harmless to indulge in your fetishes.
Ms Olivia: You bring up a fabulous point. I was at this fetish convention and there was a male Dominant, there was a male submissive and his Femdom was there.
The three were negotiating to see how far the male submissive could go and the male submissive got to this point of “I can withstand anything. I can break the Dominant.”
And at first it was fascinating to watch. I mean it was really power exchange, but then I started getting really uncomfortable just like you did.
And finally the Femdom, who had oxygen clips to monitor the oxygen levels in the submissive, actually stopped the scene. But the submissive was going, “No, keep going, keep going. I can go more.”
And so I think the Dominant has to be in charge of safety. The submissive can negotiate certain things, but at a certain point you have to let go and recognize that the Dominant has your best interest at heart is specially when you’re doing rough play.
Ms Delia: Exactly, exactly. Physically or even mentally. And that’s very important part of BDSM and D/s negotiations. The whole scene should be like that.
How does something become a popular sexual kink or fetish?
Ms Olivia: So, the internet and popular sexual kinks, I’ve talked to a bunch of people who are like,” Oh, I had no idea about fill in the blank.” Cum eating is a great example.
Ms Delia: Right.
Ms Olivia: I’ve heard a man say, “I was looking around the internet, found blowjob videos and then I thought, Ooh, what if I gave a blow job? What would that be like if that cum sprays all over my face or I get a mouthful of cum.” And these are men.
Ms Delia: Oh, that is a great question.
Ms Delia’s favorite porn
Ms Delia: I watch lesbian porn, which is always fun because it’s sexy and softer. Femdom porn. I’m going to give you my top five. Number two, Femdom porn. I think teasing an orgasm control with maybe even bondage included with femdom porn is absolutely incredible. I love watching gay porn. That is fucking hot to me. Cock sucking. Any kind of spanking, fucking, rough sex, all of it is amazing with gay porn.
Ms Olivia: Did you know that a fairly recent sexual survey found that a surprising amount of straight, heterosexual women get off on watching gay porn?
Ms Delia: Oh, I’m not at all surprised. Not at all.
Ms Olivia: I thought I was kind of unusual about that. I mean, we, let’s face it, you and I we are outside of the “vanilla” sexual norm. I mean, we’re definitely outside. So I thought, well, no wonder we’re fucking kinky and we’re watching this gay porn and getting off. Right? But I realize, Ooh, maybe some of the women in my yoga class are watching gay porn too and getting off on it. That’s hot!
Ms Delia: Oh, that really, really, really is hot. It’s very sexy and I’m glad that you brought that up. I think maybe my last couple, I’m going to blend them all together because those are the popular sexual kinks that we all have. Spanking porn; spanking porn is very, very sexy. Bondage porn is incredible.
I love watching Bukkake porn. I love watching the one guy shooting cum into a woman’s pussy and then another woman licks it out. That’s kind of a category of its own.
It’s incredible all the porn that is out there and all the porn that you can watch that is related to your kink.
Ms Olivia adds to the list of favorite porn
Ms Olivia: I’m just going to add one more thing I have, I love that same list and I’ll add point of view blowjobs.
Ms Delia: Oh, that’s a good one. I love point of view porn because usually the porn is focused on the beautiful woman or something else, like a gorgeous cock and you just have that very focused camera. I love that.
Ms Olivia: And I also love amateur porn. Some of the amateur porn is terrible but some is really hot even though it’s still amateur.
That brings up all of my voyeur tendencies.
Ms Delia: Oh, it really does, doesn’t it? For a couple of weeks I was fascinated with pillow humping; women humping pillows to have an orgasm. So I would search on YouPorn for pillow humping orgasms. I would get these amazing two or three minute clips and a lot of them looked like there was a secret camera hidden and, and it just was really sexy to watch. I very much felt like a voyeur too.
Ms Olivia: I know what we’re both going to do right after this podcast, you are going to look up POV blowjob porn and I am going to go searching for pillow humping porn.
Ms Delia: Oh yes, yes, yes. And you know one thing that it’s really important I think to talk about when we are speaking a client, I often will watch porn with a client during a call. It is so sexy to share.
Ms Olivia: I think that’s a great point. And when you’re looking at porn, it is a very kind of solo activity unless you bring in a Mistress, unless you call one of us. We can watch the porn with you and then we bring it to life in your particular way so we personalize it. We bring you into the scene and you become part of the scene when you’re talking with someone that knows what they’re doing and we know what we’re doing. This is how you combine your love of porn and phone sex; it’s personalized!
Ms Delia: Yes we do. And I love that you said that. That is awesome. Thank you.
Ms Olivia: So let’s go on, watch some porn. Okay?
Ms Delia: I think we should.
Ms Olivia: We’re gonna leave it here. Thank you for joining us on The Weekly Hot Spot.
Oh by the way, if anybody wants to call, we are available generally during the day. Delia’s on a little bit later in the evening. We’re both in the Eastern time zone. The number is (800) 601-7259 ask for Delia, Olivia or ask for us both.
You can follow us on our blogs:
Olivia: Experienced Mistress
Delia: Beg for Mistress
Ms Delia: We will see you next time for The Weekly Hot Spot.