This week your hosts talk about how to choose a great Femdom Mistress. Mistress Erika did a twitter poll asking kinky men what they want in a Domme. The results surprised Mistress Olivia, who prides herself on being the Experienced Mistress. Miss Ruby has a funny story about a guy that ended up being shocked, shocked by her accent. Sexy, funny, informative and more – including a shout out to the WTF podcast!
Ms. Olivia: Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation, advice, insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. We are your hosts, Mistress Olivia, Ms. Erika, and we are joined today by the lovely, naughty, and talented Ms. Ruby.
What is a Femdom Mistress?
Ms. Olivia: Quick definition, before we start ladies, how do you define a Femdom Mistress?
Ms. Erika: Controlling cocks and slapping asses. Woo hoo!
Ms. Olivia: That’s perfect and true. Ms. Ruby?
Ms. Ruby: One of my friends asked me this exact question and I said, it’s like being a therapist with sexy benefits. You’re doing everything a therapist would do, you’re listening to people, but you’re also giving them the sexy, naughty stuff that therapists don’t do.
Ms. Olivia: So, instead of a massage with a happy ending, it would be therapy with a happy ending. With some orgasm control. If you’re in chastity, there’s no happy ending. It will be a happily UNhappy-ending.
How would I define it? I think She Who Must Be Obeyed. I’ve looked up the origin of that phrase and a minimalist sculpture, 33 feet wide, 16 feet deep, made by Tony Smith in 1975 is named She Who Must Be Obeyed. It is astoundingly ugly.
Then I looked up the origin of “She Who Must Be Obeyed,” and it’s from Rumpole of the Bailey, which I haven’t seen. Horace Rumpole says to his wife, “Come into my Universe, She Who Must Be Obeyed.
I will forever be known as “Mistress of the Blue Horizon.”
“It’s coming, oh Master of the Blue Horizon!.” I’m already the Mistress of the Universe, so fuck it. Now I’m going for something creative: Blue Horizon. By the way, that minimalist sculpture, She Who Must Be Obeyed was also blue. So I do think that blue is apparently the color.
Ms. Olivia: So Ruby, we are thrilled you’re here. I’m sure that people will notice that your accent is not American. First of all, before we do the big reveal, you obviously haven’t been called German. I would imagine people say, “Oh, are you from…?”, and then fill in one of several countries Where do people guess you’re from?
Ms. Ruby: Oh God, I’ve had everything from Scotland to, well usually people will say I’m from England. Actually, I’m from Wales. For some reason, not many people know where that is. It’s near England, but I don’t live near the Queen. I don’t live near Buckingham Palace like some of the guys think.
You’d swear I live next door to the Queen and just down the road from me, in my backyard, there’s the River Thames. I sit out on my balcony drinking tea.
Not Scottish, English, and I’ve even been asked if I had a South African accent, which I don’t see the connection there to be honest with you. I’ve even had “Oh, you are Australian?” And I say, “No.”
Ms. Olivia: If you were Australian, do you know what your name would be? It would be Sheila.
Ms. Olivia: We do the taping on Sunday morning, East Coast time because Erika and I are both East Coast U.S. time. So what time is it there at the moment?
Ms. Ruby: At the moment, it’s 10 past three in the afternoon.
I’m going to take us on a tangent. What do you podcast in? I know I’m putting you on the spot. I don’t care. I’ll start while you’re thinking.
I’m in yoga pants, no bra and a t-shirt. And socks. Oh, of course guys, I’m wearing socks. It’s upstate New York and it’s kind of cold. So I’ve got fuzzy socks on.
Ms. Erika: I’m wearing a little dress, a little summer dress. It’s a cotton dress with a v-neck and it has pockets in it. I love pockets in dresses. Nothing on underneath because it’s Sunday and it’s a nice casual day.
Like you, Miss Olivia, I have my fuzzy slippers on because I have tile floor and I can’t walk around barefoot.I have to put something on my pretty tootsies for later. They’re nice and pretty. They have little lambs on them. It was just Easter, so I put on my Easter slippers.
Ms. Ruby: I like to go a little bit casual, like you ladies, on a Sunday. I’m wearing a long shirt that actually belongs to my boyfriend. I love his clothes more than my own, actually. So he usually has to fight me for them. He asks, “Where the hell is my t-shirt?” I say,, “Oh, um, it’s uh, in the washing machine,” but actually it’s under the bed with my things. Underneath, I am wearing a little white lace thong and I have socks on too, because it’s bloody cold in the UK.
Ms. Olivia: I have to point out something. Both of you have your pussies open and accessible. I’m the only one wearing pants. I think at some point we’re going to pause this podcast and I’m going to take my yoga pants off.
Subscribe to on Apple podcasts
Ms. Olivia: So now that we’re getting people all worked up with what we’re wearing, we have an assignment for you.
Go to Apple podcast, subscribe to The Weekly Hot Spot sexuality podcast. Like it, and leave a Review on iTunes.
Ladies, neither of you know this, but we have charted on the podcast charts.
I just got an email and I don’t know if was the scam “You are so great in your profession, you really need to be in our encyclopedia. Send us $600 and we’ll put you in our encyclopedia.” I can’t tell if it’s real,. but I’ve got to tell you that just made me feel like a million damn dollars.
I claim no credit. Delia’s the one who started The Weekly Hot Spot. I’m not even going to say how long ago, but a while ago. She was the one that started it. We absolutely love Delia. At some point she’ll pop back in, we’ll do some podcasts with her, and then she’ll pop back out.
Choosing a Femdom Mistress
I don’t really know how to do Twitter polls, but Erika is fabulous about Twitter polls. We’re going to do Erika’s Twitter poll on that subject in just a second.
This episode was inspired by Lexi. She was in a conversation… Ruby, you were on the call with Lexi, when she said, “You need to do a podcast on what to look for in a Mistress.” And we both asked Lexi, “What do you look for in a Mistress?”
Here’s Lexi’s choices:
- Sense of humor
- Neutral perspective
- Aftercare, a lost art in today’s world.
Don’t you both love Lexi?
Ms. Erika: She is fantastic. She is not only so advanced in her journey, but she’s such a generous soul. I just enjoy talking with her.
Ms. Ruby: She really sums up how I feel about Femdom as a whole.
If you’re listening to this, Lexi, I just want to thank you for all your feedback. I know it means so much to all of us at LDW, so thank you very much.
Ms. Olivia: For all of the people who said, “Mistress Olivia, you’re blogging again! Thank you. Where have you been?” You need to send a personal thank you, kudos, and flowers to Lexi because Lexi got on a call with me and said,”All right, you are not blogging. You are fucking up.”
I can’t argue with her. She’s right! I’ll argue with her when she’s wrong. We get into some baseball arguments, but she wasn’t wrong.
Ms. Ruby: That’s what I love about her. She cares so much that she will take the time to analyze everything and give you feedback and tell you, “You’re fucking up,” or, “You’re doing a great job.” And I love hearing that from people and from clients. It’s amazing.
Mistress Erika’s Poll Results
Ms. Olivia: Let’s talk about a Femdom Mistress and kink terms, BDSM terms. I like the use of labels because it’s a handy place to start, but it’s important to remember that people are unique. It’s a variety.
There are different kinds of Dominants and submissives. Vive la différence!
Erika, talk us through your poll. Were you surprised by any of the results?
We put that up on a Twitter poll, which are anonymous, so I don’t know who the voters are. If people think you know who they are, they’re more inhibited. That’s why I love them on Twitter because they’re anonymous, unless you choose to put a comment, I don’t know how you voted.
The Twitter poll shows that 13%, just a little over 13% of people think Experience is at the top of their list of most important attributes of a Mistress.
Ms. Olivia: That absolutely bites. My blog is Experienced Mistress. I lobbied for a SkankyAssSexyPictures.com and the Headmistress of LDW, Ally, said no.
So experience is 13%.
Ms. Erika: I think what’s really telling is the number one important attribute people look for in a Mistress is the Mistress Takes the Time to Get to Know You. That tells me that human connection is most important. I just got chill bumps. It is so freaking true.
Ms. Olivia: That was 53.3%, over half, more than all three of the other choices. Go through the last two choices and then we’re going to stop.We’re going to talk about each one individually, in order since “Experience” is not interesting, that will be first.
Ms. Erika: A lot of people put comments on there saying they’re all important. It’s like picking your favorite flavor of ice cream. You like them all. They’re all important to you. They’re all delicious. But if you only had to choose one.
The other two options, because Twitter only leaves you four options, is Creativity. 20% of people thought that was most important. Being Fun and having a Sense of Humor equaled Experience at a little over 13%.
Ms. Olivia: You can tell from my joking attitude, I’m fun. And I have a sense of humor and I have lots of experience. So don’t bother to call me. I will not make you happy. You will think, “Oh, it was only an experienced, silly call. Fuck this noise.”
Insight into the mind of Mistress
Ms. Olivia: Since I am fun, we’re going to take just a short little detour here. What is your favorite kind of ice cream? Erika, I’m going to start with you. You’re in Florida. It’s hot. What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?
Ms. Erika: Chocolate! My favorite. Anything sweet is chocolate first, jelly beans second, and Peeps, third.
Ms. Olivia: Do you even know what Peeps are, Ruby?
Ms. Ruby: No, I don’t. It must be an American thing.
Mistress Erika loves peeps
Ms. Olivia: Ruby, this is a uniquely American candy. So is cotton candy. What is the Welsh equivalent of these horrible things that Americans eat?
Ms. Ruby: I don’t think we have an equivalent. I think you guys have set a new standard. I can’t tell if it’s a bunny. Can’t tell if it’s a chicken marshmallow coated sugar thing.
Ms. Olivia: We’re number one!
Ms. Erika: …of crappy foods to put in your mouth. Horrible. I realize it’s horrible, but I love it.
Ms. Ruby: Well, I love mint choc chip. I just love it, especially when it’s melting as well. It’s almost like half ice cream, half milkshake.
Ms. Olivia: The flavor I love right now is coconut. I got a shaved ice machine summer before last. I like Italian ices made with fresh lemons. Both of you are welcome to come and have some.
Back on the Kink and BDSM Highway
Ms. Olivia: Okay, back to the Twitter poll: Experience, Gets to know you, Creativity and Fun sense of humor.
So my blog is ExperiencedMistress.com. Only 13% of responses said that’s the most important thing. I’m going to change my blog GetsToKnowYou.com. You think I’m kidding, I might do that. Let’s ask Lexi what she thinks about the branding of Experienced Mistress versus Getting to Know You Mistress.
Experience is, I think, important in the sense of fetish and BDsm experience, kink experience and even phone sex experience.
Ms. Ruby: I agree, experience is important and it’s great to have it.
I will say that I agree with the ranking and the order they were voted for, because I wasn’t overly experienced when I got into this industry, but I do like to think outside the box.
It’s helped me massively when it’s come to making lasting impressions on callers. It’s about the subtle details that add up to that nice explosive finish.
Mistress Ruby: singer and musician
Ms. Ruby: I’m a musician as well, on top of my kink stuff. I compose, write music and am a session musician as well, which is quite nice. It’s not too busy at the moment though, because I’ve locked down. I’m massively into fitness, yoga, and running.
Ms. Erika: Ms. Ruby. I think you left out one thing. You’re being a little modest. You have a fabulous singing voice as well.
You said you’re a musician, people are thinking of a cello between your legs, but you have a wonderful singing voice. Color me jelly, because I can’t sing worth anything and I just love your voice. Modest Mistress.
Ms. Ruby: That’s so adorable, Modest Mistress. I’ve been singing since I was really young, so it’s something that I count as part of me. I don’t see it as a thing that I do as a hobby. It’s just part of my life and it’s always been something I’ve loved.
Ms. Olivia: Ruby, I think what Erika is trying to say, and I agree, is we count singing as part of our lives as well. We just can’t do it.
Ms. Erika: I can sing, it just doesn’t sound very good.
Ms. Ruby writes kinky songs!
Ms. Olivia: You wrote a song for LDW.
Ms. Ruby: Yes, I did.
Ms. Erika: Do you have it on your blog?
Ms. Ruby: I do. I have a whole page on my blog Cock Domme dedicated to my original kinky music.
Ms. Olivia: This is fabulous! I’m glad we’re getting to know a little bit about Ms. Ruby.
This is part of the second option of the poll – Getting to Know You. The Dominant and submissive in a relationship is in a real relationship and part of being in relationship is getting to know the other person.
Does Mistress care about her submissives?
Ms Olivia: Someone sent this to me: “Gets to Know You” is more important than I would’ve thought, because it’s very important for a Mistress to get to know her slave.” This is from a friend of mine. “As a slave, I find that this makes me more comfortable being Owned.”
I think it’s really important for everybody to remember that we are people. Mistresses, Dominants and submissives, kink, fetish, and play, it is all still within a relationship. So the more each person knows about one another, the more intimacy, the more connection.
The scene play might be different; spanking versus flogging versus sounding versus erotic humiliation versus foot worship, etc. I always tell people the scene is just the actions that you’re taking, but outside of the scene, Mistress does not mean bitch.
Ms. Erika: Getting to know the person is important.
It also really helps to have context for what their kink is involved in… for example, erotic humiliation can go from one side of the spectrum to another, but also knowing the person behind the fetish or the kink or the interest when that intimacy and trust is built.
I just had a client say to me yesterday,” I don’t know why these sessions just keep getting better.”
I explained to him that we deal with a very heated subject, humiliation, and the more you trust I will always take care of you, the more you can sit back and relax and enjoy that humiliation and the more you can sink into the scene we’re exploring.
That’s why it makes it much more enjoyable. Our sessions keep getting better because not only do I know him now, I can push those buttons because he trusts that I won’t go somewhere we haven’t discussed.
How to talk to your Mistress
Ms. Olivia: I had someone call me recently and he said, “I want you to humiliate me.” And I said,”Okay, let’s just pause for just a second. What kind of humiliation?” And he said, “Oh, anything.”
This is like the phone call that says, “I want you to Dominate me.” “How would you like me to Dominate you? What turns you on?” “Oh, anything you want.” And I’ll say “Okay, my ‘anything’ is long and deep. Your ‘anything’ is short and narrow.’”
I could hear this like a Scooby-Doo head tilt kind of thing going on. And I said, “So do you want to be turned into a sissy and suck cock?” He said, “Oh, no, not that.” I said, “That’s part of ‘anything’.”
So humor me and tell me, because there’s nothing worse than getting into a session and having the Mistress go off somewhere and not have it be sexy.
Ms. Erika: I want my callers to have a good time. Don’t you ladies?
Ms. Olivia: No, I’m experienced and funny. Therefore I don’t want them to have a good time when they call me. (Just kidding.). We did a podcast on How to Communicate with your Mistress.
Ms. Ruby: What you said Miss Olivia, resonates with the whole knowing what buttons to press and how hard or how soft to press them to get that desired reaction. And you can only know that if you know what the person is into.
So saying “I’m into anything,” is the worst thing that you could possibly say to a Mistress, because anything is vast and their “anything” could be “I want some jerk off instructions. I want to go to bed.”
They’ve called me up and said, “Hi, I want to be humiliated.” And then it’s turned into, “Well should we go down this route?” “Oh, no, I just want to stroke my cock and go to sleep.” “So you don’t want to be humiliated?”
Ms. Ruby: I think they feel like they have to tell the dispatcher, “I want something really naughty,” when it’s just really “I have a big boner and I’ve got an important meeting at work and I just need a pretty voice on the other end of the phone while I jack off.”
That’s fine. Just be honest. We’re very open. We’re nonjudgmental. We just want to know what you want and how can we best give that to you?
Ms. Olivia: I have one caller who told me, he really kept saying, “Anything you want to do with me. Anything. Anything.” I said, “Okay, Mr. Anything.” I was a little bit naughty and did a whole series of stuff. I was sure, there’s no way. CFNM, sissy play, completely transforming his gender. I did chastity once. And you know what? He means it.
Ms. Erika: That’s a rarity though. “Anything” doesn’t usually mean ‘anything.’
Ms. Ruby: You saw that as a challenge as well, didn’t you? You loved that.
Ms. Olivia: I think about him between calls and think, “Oh, I need to remember this because this is going to be a fabulous scene for him.” And I make a note of it, put it on a post-it note, put it by my computer, send myself an email, because he’s the only person I’ve ever met that actually meant it.
In all fairness, submissives often have a really difficult time saying what they need or want. If anyone needs tips on How to Communicate with the Mistress, we have a Weekly Hotspot episode on that topic.
You can also listen to the episodes on Apple podcasts or click on The Weekly Hotspot on Cock Radio on Spreaker to listen to a previous episode.
Tips on how to communicate with a Mistress are hugely important.
Ms. Erika: Ms. Olivia, if I can mention, both LDW and I, and maybe so many of you guys do too, have a pre-call questionnaire.
We have “My Perfect Mistress,” where we prompt you with questions and answers to get to know you as well.
Those are great resources people can utilize, not only The Weekly Hotspot podcast, but the questionnaires on my blog and at MyPerfectMistress.com.
Ms. Olivia: Some of those questions are about kink. Do you like it rough? Do you like it tender? Remember, it’s a relationship. So if you’re a dick in all of your personal relationships and you’re a dick to Mistress, you’re probably not going to be having a relationship, or a good relationship. Don’t be a dick, just bring your dick.
Creativity in Kinky Play
Ms. Olivia: Bring your creativity to experience sexual pleasure. Erika, tell us again, how creativity did on the poll.
Ms. Erika: It came in a second.
If your thing is to run around WaWa in your tiny little g-string, we’re not going to have you do that because there’s a lot of people at Wawa that don’t want to see your stuff, and we’re not going to foist your kink onto them.
So we have to get creative. A lot of times that’s satisfied by a couple things and one of them is a multiple Mistress cam call where we watch you dance or do… whatever… for us.
Ms. Ruby: I love those. I’ve done that with Ms. Delia and it was so much fun to see somebody dressing up on cam.
Ms. Erika: I love the dancers. If you’re a dancer, come dance for me, boy.
Ms. Ruby: Put a smile on our faces.
With the creativity, that is definitely one of the main ingredients in what makes a good Femdom.
Every individual that’s going to call up has different parameters, different limits, different kinks, and different tastes. We have to improvise quite a lot right on the spot. When someone calls and they have something specific they want to discuss, it puts us in the hot seat for a second and we have to be quick on our feet.
That’s where the creative juices get flowing when you know somebody well. It ties into the first point as well; knowing your caller and knowing what they like. Then the creative juices can start flowing and you can really get into it. It makes for a memorable session.
Ms. Olivia: When the creative juices are flowing, the other juices are not far behind.
How do each of you stay creative?
Staying creative during covid
Ms Olivia: For me, the challenge has been this last year in lockdown, not going to any in-person fetish play parties.
This was outside around the pool. We didn’t use any equipment in the home and it ended up a swinger’s naked pool party.
For a lot of people, they would be, whoooo! But being able to watch other people as they play and do their kinks, that’s a huge part of my creativity and I’ve missed it.
So what I’ve been doing is I watch a lot more porn. I used to have live sex to look at at every single play party. Now it’s porn. But that’s okay because I like porn.
Ms. Ruby: Who doesn’t like porn? It’s great. There are so many varieties. You can access it straight away on your computer.
As nice as it is to go to these pool parties, you don’t have to go to see the amazing sort of inspiring scenarios you can utilize on different calls and in different situations.
Ms. Olivia: How do each of you stay creative? What do you do?
Ms. Erika: We get stuck in our own heads sometimes, we like our point of view porn or there’s cock sucking or whatever it is that we gravitate towards.
I find it’s helped me to stay creative and open my eyes and my boundaries by having some of my pets, especially the ones I have a relationship with, do assignments for me.
“Send me the sexiest chastity tease you can find. And if I like it, you might get a ruined orgasm.” So I’m getting input from them.
They might bring me something I’ve never thought of as far as the content. The subject was the same, but the actual activities in the video are different.
I also find when I’m stressed, I’m less creative.
I always try to take some time during the day to decompress. I do coloring and puzzles. That seems to calm my mind and once my mind is calm, then the ideas and the creativity flows.
Ms. Olivia: There’s an adult coloring book. I even found a BDsm coloring book for kinky adults!
Ms. Ruby and Ms. Erika: There is! There is!
Ms. Erika: I think Claire has it. And we’ll have to sit back, look around, ask around.
Ms. Ruby: There are also ones where you can get a coloring book that says FUCK on every page with different kinds of lettering surrounded by different flowers and things.
Ms. Olivia: I’ve got that one! It says FUCK, F-U-C-K, Fuck, fuck. How do you say “Fuck” in Welsh?
Ms. Ruby: I don’t actually speak Welsh, which is shocking, but we had a similar question from Lexi; she said, “How do you say ‘police’ where you’re from?” I’m like ”police.” We say “Fuck.”
Ms. Olivia: That’s exactly why I said it, Ruby, because I knew what you were going to say.
Having a Sense of Humor with sex
Ms. Olivia: Surveys always show people are curious about kink. Partly because it’s something new and it’s fun. It is the adult equivalent of play time.
If you think of play, in the traditional sense of play, a great Femdom Mistress should be fun and have a sense of humor, but only 13% of people agree with me. Take my experienced ass right out of here.
Well, if my experienced ass is correct, not just experienced, loving ass because I tried anal and didn’t like it. Maybe that was a Freudian slip
So Erika, 13%?
Ms. Erika: Yes, 13%. Experience and Sense of Humor are the most important attributes, both at 13%. I think everybody today listening to this podcast can tell we’re very much a fun-loving group and out of session, I’m even more easygoing.
Life is too short to be micro-managing anything when you’re having fun. Some people enjoy that micromanagement. Some people enjoy that mean Mistress and I can bring that on as well, but it’s just such an enrichment to my human existence as I spend time in this world, just to have fun.
Very early on, when I first started with LDW, I had a client that didn’t know what ruined orgasms were and they were curious.
I had written about ruined orgasms. We went through the paces and on his first ruined orgasm, he yelled, “Ohhhhh fuckin’ bitch!,” and I fucking laughed for five minutes after.
At first he was scared to death that I was just going to freak out over him for calling me a fucking bitch, but in that context, it was fabulous because I knew without a doubt, the deed was done. I’ve converted him to an Erika addict. He just fuckin’ loves it.
If your emotions get away from you in session, I’m mature and experienced enough not to take it personally.
How does Mistress treat her submissive?
Ms. Olivia: You bring up a really good point about in session versus out of session.
If you are a strict mistress or the woman in charge in a Female-Led Relationship, you’re still a human being. You’re still a person and turning the tables on a man is fun. And that’s at the heart of a Female-Led Relationship.
I remember one call with Lexi. She has interacted with me like this: fun, funny, fun-loving. We talk about stuff and we were on this call and she said, “Okay, bring it for pain play.” She was shocked at the level of very strict, very intense pain play. She said, “Oh, Miss Olivia, I had no idea you had that in you.” I said, “Honey, you have no idea of the depth and breadth of my passions.”
Oh, what did I call myself? The Mistress of the Blue Horizon? Lexi, you need to understand that the Mistress of the Blue Horizon sees all. She is She Who Must Be Obeyed and she has many facets. I could also be known as Durga, D-U-R-G-A, many of you will know… she is a really neat Indian Goddess; she’s a little bit scary.
Let’s talk a little bit about relationships between the Dominants and the submissives. We’ve talked about kink relationships and other relationships. You click with some people, you don’t with others.
Ruby, you’ve got some interesting stories about this, I know,.
Aspects of the Femdom Relationship
Ms. Ruby: There’s one that really sticks out for me. A guy decided to call me up and try me out. When I answered the phone, I put on my little sultry voice as you do. Not that I put on too much of a voice, but I answered. And he said, “Oh, oh no, I don’t like, I don’t like British, I’m sorry.” And he just hung up on me. I thought, “What? What? How dare you.”
I’m sitting there thinking, as I look at my profiles, “I’ve got to check my website and all my profiles to make sure that there’s plenty for people to see and.” and I’m realizing every single bloody page, there’s a voice clip of some of some sort. I’m sitting there puzzled thinking, “You clicked on my profile. You saw my pictures, The voice samples are right there. Just click play and you can listen to it.”
If you’re listening to this, you really hurt my feelings. No, he didn’t really.
Ms. Olivia: Callers always ask us when they send us an email, “What is your Mistress style?”
Audios are a great way to check that out. Check the voice, check the tone, click on a sensual Mistress, you’ll get the sensual Mistress. Click on the mean Mistress, (harsh voice) “This is Mistress Olivia.” That was for the guy that doesn’t like British.
Ms. Ruby: They’ll be finding you next, Miss Olivia and saying, “Oh no, I don’t like an experienced Mistress.”
Ms. Olivia: “Oh no, I want an amateur!”
Ms. Ruby: And if you combine experienced with British, that guy’s going to get really pissed off.
Ms. Olivia: He’s not going to be able to laugh about it.
So Erika, making a connection.
Making a connection in BDsm and kink
Ms. Erika: It’s okay if we don’t click, I have a stable of Erika addicts that enjoy my company, enjoy my sense of humor, enjoy my style of Mistressing which is exploring our human nature and finding those ways we can connect.
There are clients I don’t see eye to eye with on various different subjects like politics or other topics like that. We just agree not to talk about it because where we do connect is so intense and, listen to this, we’re mature and respectful. That is a rarity today to say, “You’re an entity. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
There are plenty of Enchantrix Mistresses. If my voice doesn’t do it for you, that’s fine. I have plenty of people for whom it does. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. Ask the dispatcher. Listen to audio clips. There will be one of us you will click with. It’s fantastic when that happens.
Ms. Olivia: Even if you click with a mistress, there’s a reason why you’re calling us. You like variety! So don’t feel like if you click with one Mistress that you only have to call her.
If you are looking for a Mistress and I know you, I can recommend a fabulous Mistress for you. Play with both of us in a two girl call. I talk up other Mistresses.
Ms. Erika: In many ways, Olivia and Ruby, we are here to help them with their submissiveness. So they come to us with a set of stimuli they know they like. Over time, that grows. The only way to round yourself off as a Mistress or submissive is to play with various people.
I love the idea that some of those who call me also call you, Olivia, or call Ruby. I’m not a jealous person at all. I think, for your best experience… I love sharing my candy. So go ahead.
Ms. Ruby: We don’t want that marshmallow thing though. You can keep your chicken bunny. I don’t want it.
Ms. Erika: I’m sending you a picture of Peeps, Ruby, later.
Ms. Ruby: Please do. Maybe you can stick it up, just hold it in front of a camera and make it dance for me. I need to see someone dance today. I have to.
Mutual Respect in BDsm
Ms. Olivia: Speaking of not clicking, Mistresses can and do decline callers. Each of us has the option of putting someone on our Do Not Call list.
I don’t have very many people on my Do Not Call list, but I do have some. This is important. If Mistress needs to talk to you about something and it’s not a fun-fun thing, you need to listen to her because she’s trying to communicate something.
For example, if Mistress says, ”You went too far in that session. This will not happen again. In order for me to be in a relationship with you, I need to be able to trust you as much as you trust me. So don’t do that.” That’s in particular with pain play, which can get dangerous. It’s edge play. I need to be able to trust the submissive.
Trust in BDsm relationships
Ms. Erika: Trust is a two way street. Understand too, if somebody brings a certain play to me I’m not comfortable with and I declined playing with you on that, that doesn’t mean I won’t play with you in different areas. The most important thing is I’m not upset with you. I’m not judging you. If you want to do something outside of my comfort zone, I don’t think you’re a jerk. It’s just differences.
If I don’t want to send you to Wawa in your g-string, that doesn’t mean I think you’re some sort of sick pervert and you need to go away and hide in a cave. Not at all. It’s just boundaries. Boundaries are pretty and beautiful and it is all about personal boundaries.
Ms. Olivia: It’s also LDW boundaries. Let me be blunt. Anything that’s going to get you arrested in the real world is outside of our boundaries, so don’t fuckin’ ask. Or you can ask, but respect us when we say “No, you’re not going to Wawa to flash your junk.”
For people who don’t know what WaWa is, like maybe Ruby, it’s a gas station.
Ms. Erika: It’s a convenience store.
Ms. Ruby: Like you guys said, the priority is always going to be giving the client the best session I can give them. If I, for any reason, feel like I’m not the right fit for you, then I’ll always be up front about it.
If I ever need to refuse the session, I’m always going to try and refer a suitable Mistress match. Like you said, Olivia, we do recommend other Mistresses. We’re not jealous. We’re not selfish with our clients. We always share. There’s always going to be someone suitable for you, even if I’m not.
Ms. Olivia: We have mutual respect for our callers. Our callers respect us for that..
Lexi mentioned, “The majority of Mistresses are amazing ladies and respect me as a human being first, then as a sub. As a sub, I feel comfortable that I can be who I am along with some very creative sessions.”
You are not weird if you like kink
Ms. Erika: We’re all dynamic human beings. We’re not just one thing.
I just spoke to somebody else and they talked about their interests, they said, “I hope you don’t think I’m weird about this, or this is all I’m about, because it’s really hyper-focused on one subject.” I said, “Absolutely not. This is what you bring to me that you can’t bring to anybody else. I know you are a successful, dynamic man who plays sports and has a career and family. There are many facets to you. This is our connection. This is what you bring to me.”
Ms. Ruby: Regardless of the dynamic between myself and my clients, I always try to maintain a high level of mutual respect.
That applies even when they’re down on their knees worshiping my feet, or even when I’m cracking that whip. There are many mixed views about how Femdoms are supposed to act. Many of these views seem to think respect is only flowing in one direction and this is so completely not true.
Ms. Ruby: When someone’s being truly vulnerable and offering me power on a silver platter, I’ve got the intelligence to know what makes that sub weak without stripping away that essential foundation of mutual respect.
Ms. Olivia: Even if he wants his entire self-respect stripped away, there’s a way to do that in session; mean, degrading, just dehumanizing session that is the psychological equivalent of an extreme spanking or extreme CBT, Cock and Ball Torment.
After the scene,. it’s all about aftercare. The ability to deliver that, plus what’s needed after, is one of the things that makes a really great Femdom Mistress.
There was this quote on my blog when I did a post called, What makes a great Femdom Mistress.
A caller said, “I think, great Dommes also have this quality of understanding how men’s minds work on an intuitive level. I don’t think that’s really the word for it, but I’ve seen Dommes do it so often I think Dominant women might all have super powers. Dommes know what makes men tick even when the men themselves don’t.”
What does a Femdom look for in a submissive
Ms. Olivia: What do each of you look for in a submissive? Just quick comments?
Ms. Ruby: For me, it would be someone that is adventurous in nature and with a deep desire to connect with me as a Domme as well as a person.
Ms. Erika: An open mind, allowing other things into our play, when you trust me and have a willing spirit, we can go a long way with that.
Ms. Olivia: We should do a whole podcast on this. We should do a whole episode on this.
Ruby, do you want to come back? We’re kind of nice. We’re fun. Right?
Ms. Ruby: Yes! You are.
Ms. Olivia: We’ll have you back. We’ll have a whole episode on What Does a Mistress look for in a submissive?
Because we know that all of the listeners do have a willing spirit, go to Apple Podcast, subscribe to The Weekly, Hotspot, like it, and leave a review.
Stay in touch with our blogs, Twitter, and email.
My blog is Get2KnowYouLovelyMistress.com. That’s not my blog. My blog for the 13% of you that find this important is ExperiencedMistress.com.
Ms. Olivia: email@example.com / @MistressOlivia1 on twitter.
Ms. Ruby: My blog is: Cock Domme.
My Twitter is @EnchantrixRuby & email is: firstname.lastname@example.org
Ms. Erika: My blog is Intelligent Phone Fantasy.
You can find me on Twitter @Enchantrix Erika & my email is email@example.com
Ms. Olivia: We’ve come to the end of the podcast. Thank you, both of you, for being here. This was tons of fun. What questions do you have for our listeners?
Mistress has a question for you
Ms. Olivia: How do YOU choose your Mistress?
Ms. Ruby: What is the one personality trait you look for in a Mistress?
Ms. Olivia: And don’t say British. She’s not British. Wanker!
Ms. Erika: What is one thing you want Mistress to know about you? It could be kink related. It could be personal related. Whatever it is, what is it that you desire for me to know?
Ms. Olivia: Thank you to everyone for listening. Remember to answer the questions. You can always leave a comment here on our blog or via email or on twitter.
Hey, you can even do a call +1 800-356-6169. If you are very brave, ask for all 3 of us together.
For now, thanks for joining us. We’ll see you next time. Bye.
Ms. Ruby: Wanker!
Ms. Olivia: That’s like Mark Maron’s What the Fuck podcast. WTF podcast by Mark Maron, the comedian.
He always ends the podcast with “Boomer lives!” That’s his feral cat he adopted and brought inside that escaped. He hasn’t seen the cat since, so he always ends his podcast with “Boomer lives!”
So, here’s a shout out to Mark Maron, WTF and, of course, Boomer.